More flyers!

Add It Up

If it still is a nonsolvable equation, multiply it by 1000 then throw the tantrum you wanted to have in the first place, move the decimal, and go take a nap.

We don’t want to hear or know about it, and no one cares but you if you solve for x, so shut down the computer, shut off the lights, and watch the cars pass by the street light in the window outside the hotel. We know you have a problem because of your erratic behaviour as of late. Should we talk about it?

Raymond Carver wrote a series of short stories called ” What We Talk About When We Talk about Love.” I started reading these in 7th grade and as usual, reread them until I couldn’t figure out what I was trying to learn from these stories. I was a kid, and I didn’t get the point. I am older and I don’t get the point. But I want to think about it.

If you’re not writing, you’re not thinking.
As important as that quote is, I don’t know who said it so succinctly, and although it’s out of context, I’m learning not to scoff at this because maybe everything is better out of context.

I haven’t been in love in nine years. Maybe 19 years if you count _____________ who I am not sure I ever loved. Processing the new information that I am seriously, inequitably madly in love with someone who I don’t even really care that they love me back is not my jam, and I don’t like it, but it’s the best I have felt in a decade of thinking I lost that part of my brain — I will never love anyone ever again, I’m totally broken, but I will live on despite the horror of this complete loss of ability.

And I don’t know who I am anymore because this has consumed my DNA — I wake up happy and hopeful, and I sit by the phone like a fucking lovesick puppy, and I don’t even care! I’m relentless and I can’t stop thinking about this person, and it doesn’t even matter if I get my heart broken as long as anything happens. I am tossing my heart and love and brains in to the air and I have no shame. I don’t think it matters to this person, but I want to be validated or shot down and blown up.

I want to feel something. Ten years of a superficial relationship results in almost as much despair when there isn’t anything there, even though you looked for it all your life. That’s what emptiness is anyway; that is how much you believed was there and was never anything but your expectation of fulfilment. When you try not to reflect, the brightness of nothingness is quite a shock. But it doesn’t hurt, and you don’t know why.

So I take note of this day right here. The days have been long and meaningless and agonizingly sad until I fell in love again, with no effort, no nothing actually, making it stupidly immature and certain to break my heart.

But when you get your heart back because of some girl or boy who stole it and is running around with it and you need it back, let it go. I am thinking that person needs it more than you do, no matter if you are loved reciprocally or not, there’s nothing better to know you have something to give.

Return to sender if broken. No hurry, but you have it, and I’d love to know what you’re going to do with it.

Lost

So I think to myself when I’m trying not to, and it happens more often than I would like to think to myself, but nonetheless I keep thinking.

I keep wondering where I went wrong. Not sympathetically, but hypothetically, what the hell happened.

Everything is different but it’s kind of the same that I thought it would be, but I never thought it would be anything and it’s not.

So where do we go from here? I mean, where are we going. Which way are we going to take next turn? Are we headed for a sunrise or a sunset? Does it matter to you, it doesn’t but maybe when you grow up, my words will mean something to you.

Maybe so; maybe not.

I wonder what would have happened if we were together. I try not to think about you, but your are always going to be right there, in my way and in every other thought, every other day.

Perhaps if I could turn days into triplets, then quartets, then maybe jazz—non-conformist chaos coming going far away, like the times and the lost days.

“Where are you anyway?

I can’t find you anywhere!” – “Lost” song by me.

I love my band

I’ve said it before, but I didn’t mean it. or I’ve said it before and I meant it in the moment and that I am neither ashamed nor ashamed.

Edited in Prisma app with Cartoon

Reasonable accommodations

We have to work to keep the lights on, gas in the car, rent/mortgage, food, pets, yeah and everything else.

Some of us have been underemployed or working scattershot jobs for inconsistent employers, those who are entitled to take your time when you have repeatedly suggested your own time, and gig jobs that make impossible demands, and on the brink of homelessness, we have to finally admit that as humiliating as it is, we need help because many of us have a debilitating psychological illness or disorder and our lives should not be under fire because we need a little help from those who aren’t quite as down on their luck. We aren’t asking for much: just enough to make it through the day and we seek an inkling of understanding and compassion that the majority of our American society cannot understand, thus we are treated as if we were liars; mere actors playing out a role while others whisper we are lazy or crazy.

This is a web of deception and lies and my disordered is punching me to my most vulnerable darkest days and I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to wait for final approval from Uber but if I don’t, I’m trying to figures out how to work for Amazon Flex for theory hours per day. I have been an ACT SAT tutor for a year and haven’t gotten a raise. I lost my WordPress freelance gig and paycheck four days before rent was due. I have to rent a better car to deliver which isn’t exactly profitable. I make a good amount of money playing music but haven’t had time to try to book shows due to trying to find more work. I am a security officer (uncertified, unarmed) a couple times per month for another gig job.

I was asked to help with two new client websites and both have not had the time or the opportunity to reply to me and you can’t tell a client that you are available, so let’s go! Clients generally don’t care and being the lowest priority for them is absolutely how the food chain works.

My point is that I have been worried about my rent (and am dying to give my 30 day notice).

Every day this month I have worked jobs at a low pay scale and I have nothing close to enough. After renting out my bedroom, I still don’t have enough. (Mainly because I got scammed stupidly.)  I am building a digital download store but I can’t do it fast enough and ascap wants my song information but yeah, I can’t get it done fast enough, need to book gigs, need to take care of everything, and I have digital art and drawings but I

I can’t get it all done fast enough.

Now I have to figure out how to get shot down faster. CANNOT GET IT DONE FASTER.

www.thehrdigest.com/anxiety-as-a-workplace-disability-understanding-the-ada-and-reasonable-accommodations/

GUITAR AI ART

Drawings to AI ART i

AI ART ATTACK part ii

AI Band Art

Part one of a lot. In my quest to make rent, I’m selling these babies for $5 apiece. Please let me know if you want to get mini drawings drawn (is that correct?) and converted to AI images. A Gazillion different themes. Tell me what you want, I’ll generate it! Enjoy!

Lyrics to Luck and Trouble (2010) by Wendy Clark

blue

i keep on falling for you, as you creep beside the moonlight

if i could not speak, would you tell me what to say?

you shine the bluest eyes and the dusk retreats to twilight

i don’t mind my misconstructions smiling as you let them ricochet

i’m in love with this afternoon

how good it is – right here with you

then time stands still in this empty room

but how good it feels – to be with you

i readjust my gaze as you realign my eyesight

i woke up running too soon under the milky way

i’m joyous every evening as you pull back the daylight

i scramble to the calendar and plead again for saturday

i don’t take for granted that you have mistaken me for stranded

as you take my cigarette and hallucinate my greed

i beg you to not imply why this is where we’ve landed

as we’ve long stopped complicating who should take or who should receive

i’m in love with this afternoon

how good it is – right here with you

then time stands still in this empty room

but how good it feels – to be with you

actual size
it’s got a big red face that comes up clear
a two-tone ride that runs on fear
a bolt-on shimmy that hums in space
and a brand new suit that’s going to waste
a brand new suit that’s going to waste

it’s got throw-back padding that’s stapled down
a pinched-up liner that’s wrapped for sound
a cold blank stare whenever i talk

and thirteen names for the way i walk
thirteen names for the way i walk

and i want you to sew it shut
before it wakes me up
you won’t recognize

the fifteen seconds i close my eyes

and i’m drunk now that you won’t be actual size

it comes when everyone goes to sleep
the little red monster you let me keep
it starts real small, unfolds its legs

then i feel heat on the back of my head

feel heat on the back of my head
i want you right here
when it burns up the atmosphere

wrap me steeling tight

unhook your jaws and cover my eyes
and i’m drunk now that you won’t be actual size
now that you won’t be
now that you won’t be
now that you won’t be

so surprised
 

luck and trouble                                                                     

i thought a shot another man in texas

i thought about the ones in tennessee

what’s the use in doing so much thinking?

when all i do is think of you and me

forecast on the frontier of your future

damn, these cigarettes are tastin’ sweet

what’s the point in doing so much coca-iane?

when all you do is run away from me

but – you were on my mind

cutie-pie – all of the time

but i never thought you’d leave me

in the space you left behind

once upon a time or two in tulsa

the satellite sank into the sea

what’s the use of having all this luck

when trouble stays up late waiting for me

but – you were on my mind

cutie-pie – all of the time

but i never thought you’d leave me

in the space you left behind

and so this anecdote is almost over

the lesson learned is a likely theme

what’s the upshot luck just to fall back down

then to get back up just to fall back down

when the story ends right here for you and me 

but – you were on my mind

cutie-pie – all of the time

but i never thought you’d leave me

in the space you left behind

consequence

did you forget my name?
i notice everything hasn’t changed
did you forget my words

or were they tangled in my obscurity?

i cleared away the residue

anything and everything that happened to do with you

but honey i still stumble and shake

every time that i see you

if you could read my mind

you’d see my love is totally blind

if you could know what i mean

if you looked at me like there was no body else to see

i cleared away the residue

anything and everything i’m prone to misconstrue

but honey i still stumble and shake

every time that i see you

if i could be the one you wanted

then i could be the one you wanted

all of the time

baby, don’t look now

because we still haven’t figured it out

honey, nothing never, ever gets past you

and i am beginning to wonder now if i even want it to

i pulled myself together again

fell back as the story goes, the consequences never end

but honey i still crumble and quake

every time that i see you

if i could be the one you wanted
i could be the one you wanted

all of the time
if i could be the one you wanted
i could be the one you wanted

all of the time
 

distance

take everything you’ve learned so far and throw it all away
i would have told you long ago but you’re nine time zones astray

your lack of concern concerns me, but i think i’m doing fine

ambition doth escape me and i’m dying to make it mine

traffic here on sunday is much worse than you’d expect

waiting at a stoplight lets you sit there and reflect

keep your eye on the canvas; tell me what do you see?

take what you can get – you know that never bothered me

what more can i say to you to make a difference?

each step closer to you, i can feel the distance

stretched out on the grass i count the ways you wrecked my life

cut my dreams right down the seams with that jaded, rusty knife

waited in your driveway, in that old abandoned car

started home at sunset but i didn’t get too far

what more can i say to you to make a difference?

each step closer to you, i can feel the distance

home
up beyond these big lights in the miniature town

up over the hills – and the nights which allow

you were the only one and you were the only one

and i stood in the yard – smiled at the sun

way beyond these empty bottles in this place we call home

up over hills we still may roam

you were the only, the only, the only

i tell you i’m lonely, – lonely, i’m lonely

but i want to go home

i want to go home

because i don’t have anywhere left to go

up beyond these big lights in this mediocre town

up over the hills and the nights which allow

you were the only one when you weren’t the only one

stood in the yard – tied down the sun

way beyond these empty bottles in this place we call home

up over the hills we still may roam

you were the only, the only, the only

i tell you i’m lonely, lonely, i’m lonely

but i want to go home

i want to go home

because i don’t have anywhere left to go

i want to go home

i want to go home

because i don’t have anywhere left to go

up beyond these big lights in this mediocre town

up over the hills and the nights which allow

you were the only one when you weren’t the only one

i stood in the yard – tied down the sun

way beyond these empty bottles in this place we call home

up over the hills we still may roam

you were the only, the only, the only

i tell you i’m lonely, lonely, i’m lonely

but i want to go home

i want to go home

because i don’t have anywhere left to go

i want to go home

i want to go home

because i don’t have anywhere left to go

la carta

there was a time in the back of my mind

when i threw in the virtual towel, you said

with a scowl and my meds, it was all in my head

and i had every reason to smile once again 

so i wrote down the words

’cause i needed to rehearse

and i left you a note on your microphone  

often these lines in the back of my mind

rotate themselves into a blockade, you know

as you come and you go, it’s so easy to show

that it’s just that easy to care once again 

so i walked down the stairs

’cause i needed repairs

and i left you a note on your microphone

i don’t care if you write me a letter

i don’t care if you play me a brand new song

what’s the point in dancing all night

if you don’t got no rhythm? 

often the time as it creeps down my spine

as it seeps through the ceilings and it knocks down all the doors

as you come and you go, it’s so easy to show

that it’s simply that easy to care once again 

so i made a list of the pros and cons

and i waited so anxiously for your response 

i don’t care if you write me a letter

i don’t care if you play me a brand new song

what’s use in blaming yourself

when i haven’t done anything wrong? 

i don’t care if you write me a letter

i don’t care if you play me a brand new song

what’s the use in writing the verse

when the words are all written wrong?

i don’t care if you write me a letter

i don’t care if you play me a brand new song

how many times have you believed yourself

when you know that everything’s wrong?

wrong

you’ve been acting kind of strange like you really just don’t care

you said you’d meet me at the pub then you never showed up there

i tried to call your house – a strange voice always answers the phone

whenever i go out on a date i find i’m all alone

well i don’t really know why i’ve been waiting for so long

all i wanna know is what did i do wrong

i got home the other night, found all my cds smashed it bits

i figured it was just another one of your epileptic fits

went into my closet, found that half my clothes were burned

matches on your bed stand baby, by now i should have learned

well i don’t really know why i’ve been waiting for so long

all i wanna know is what did i do wrong

what can i say to you to make you understand

what can i ask of you to make a reprimand

so you tell me i’m no good, and you don’t care anymore

so now i’m trying to figure out what the hell i’m with you forgiveness

well i don’t really know why i’ve been waiting for so long

all i wanna know is what did i do wrong

all i wanna know is what did i do wrong

all i wanna know is what did i do wrong

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Lyrics to “Alien-American” by Tequila Mockingbird (2004)

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From the Tequila Mockingbird sophomore release, hear/here are the words. Lifted from my band’s website.

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Again (3:38) so what do you think it means the weather’s changed  and how is your head well it’s prearranged and  what are your thoughts on the politics around here  well shit the optimism just fades too fast  and i’m the first in line still you toss me back  and i think it’s getting way too crowded in your head for me  but what do think it takes to say goodbye  when all i really gotta do  is open up my eyes  i’m falling again  so what do you think it means  that nothings changed  and all the furniture has been rearranged  and what are your thoughts on the spatiality  damn this pessimism just stays around  and if i am up then you kick me down  and i think it’s getting too crowded in your room for me  but what do think it takes to say goodbye  when all i really gotta do  is open up my eyes  i’m falling again  so when’d it go to hell and everything change  because nothing here’s ever felt so strange and what are your thoughts on the bygones forsaken around here  damn this optimism just was almost gone but still you come around and baby it’s never for long  and it’s getting way too empty in your world for me  but what do think it takes to say goodbye  when all i really gotta do  is open up my eyes  i’m falling again 

Cashed (2:45) it’s exactly like i imagined  you never tell me what i want to hear  it’s exactly like i thought it would be  trapped inside my mind with all these things i fear  beyond the mountains and the techno  without the everybody ever known  at last you realized but far too late  someone took your brain and turned your heart to stone  ‘cause i can’t get in to anything  i can’t see out of this end i’m in and i end up where i’m supposed to begin  the line i walk is far too thin  i want to be your anti-hero  never do you right but always true  i want to be your less than zero  i want to know what you think about you and me and me and you  ‘cause i can’t get into anything  i can’t see out of this end i’m in  and i end up where i’m supposed to begin  the line i walk is far too thin 

UFO Intro (:23)

UFO (4:24) you always seemed light years away  but i didn’t think that you would really leave that day  this solar system has its ups and its downs  and life on venus ain’t as cool as it sounds  i can see clearly most of the time  but honestly i swear i never saw the signs  didn’t believe me when i said things could be worse  than to be stuck here in this universe  you said goodbye and then you headed for the hills  you sold my car and stranded me with all the bills  you left me for a ufo  why’d you have to go  i sit alone and stare at your moon rocks and cry  can’t bear to watch star trek ‘cause it makes me wonder why i’m gonna build a rocket i’m gonna hope that it will fly  maybe someday i’ll see you again in the stars above the sky  gonna save my money and buy a radio tracking station  gonna try my luck at newton’s law of gravitation  you left me for a ufo  why’d you have to go  you said goodbye and then you headed for the hills  you stole my car and stranded me your all the bills  you left me for a ufo  why’d you have to go  you said goodbye and then you headed for the hills  you stole my car and stranded me with all your bills  you left me for a ufo  why’d you have to go 

The Honeymoon (3:29) the honeymoon’s not the same without you  but i’m remaining optimistic  my love just ain’t the same without you  but i probably won’t be coming home it’s true  but it’s alright  yeah it’s alright  never could write a love song about you  without it sounding too sarcastic  used to think the world about you but my universe is so elastic  but it’s alright  yeah it’s alright  the sun-bleached sand where we used to stay  i want to move so far away  we would dwell here  most each and every day  i want to move so far away  those vacations we would take without you  i once believed were so fantastic  thought i touched the heart inside you  found that it was made of plastic  but it’s alright yeah it’s alright the sun-bleached sand where we used to stay  i want to move so far away  we would dwell here  almost each and every day  i want to move so far away  it’s not a pretty picture  but i needed to get a shot  i tried to write our story  without a broken plot  the honeymoon’s not the same without you  but i’m remaining optimistic  my love just ain’t the same without you  but i probably won’t be coming home it’s true  but it’s alright yeah it’s alright  the sun-bleached sand where we used to stay  i want to move so far away  we would dwell here  most each and every day  i want to move so far away  so far away so far away so far away 

Sometimes I Think (3:00) well i took the clock i took the lamp i took the fertilizer  i locked the doors i poured the gas i lit the match  i took the oath i bowed my head i breathed the fumes  but you took my car you headed west and you were gone  well freedom rang through my ears and choked back acidic tears  i tossed away the hopes and the money and the years  i was reborn i went to church i sought a rock where i could perch  i was gonna get it if it didn’t beat me to it first  i spiked the punch i punched my glass i blew a 3.0  i locked the doors i hit the gas i ran that light  i slept in jail i called for bail then i got out but you took my car you headed south and you were gone  so now i’m growing up and getting older  and sometimes they say i’ve gotten colder  around here i’m an anti-contender  and i live near the park in a four-plex in uptown denver  well sometimes i bleed from too much drinkin’  and sometimes i have just too much fun  and sometimes i think about you baby  if sometimes into you i’ll ever run… 

Catching On (the stupid song) (5:36) well i’m finally catching on  yeah i’m beginning to apprehend  and i’m seeing it all so crystal clear  that this surely ain’t no means to no end  and i’m pulling out all the stops  and i’m shaking here in the absolved  and i’m dismayed at the failure i am  it seems my car ain’t the only thing that’s stalled  you’re so stupid how you could have been so dumb  i was wondering that myself  you’re so stupid how you could have been so wrong  i was wondering that  i was wondering that myself  well i’m figuring the “what went bad”  and i’m reckoning the reasons why  because i’m sure that it can’t be me  as i know i stand much bigger than my size  sometimes i notice i’m way off the target  occasionally i see i’m stuck in the trough  whatever the matter i’m keen to the coolness  so all you had to do was tell me to back off  you’re so stupid how you could have been so wrong i was wondering that myself  you’re so stupid  how you could have been so dumb  i was wondering that  i was wondering that myself  well i’m finally catching on  yeah i’m beginning to apprehend  and i’m seeing it all so crystal clear  that this surely ain’t no means to no end  you’re so stupid how you could have been so dumb  i was wondering that myself  i’m so stupid how’ve  i could have been so wrong  i was wondering that  i was wondering that myself

Shades of Grey (4:48) i thought you were right there in the crowd  so i pondered these things to you aloud  i thought you were right there in my sight  i was sure i knew my day for night  i thought i hold you in my hands  so i ran and vanished in your lands  i thought you were right there in my wake  but once again that’s my mistake  been breaking down myself over you  when i noticed you had better things to do  you stole all my friends away  i didn’t need ‘em anyway  i’m really not myself today  the blue and black fade into grey  i thought i was almost finally there  till you came and caught me unaware i thought i was on the chosen path  now looking back that’s such a laugh  i’m a little more stupid than i look  i couldn’t give you more than you’ve already took  you stole all my friends away  i didn’t need ‘em anyway  i’m really not myself today  the blue and black fade into grey  and maybe you’ll be all alone when i’ve broken everything i own  tangled in the elements i’ve torn  but you’ve seen me far worse off before been breaking down myself over you  when i noticed you had better things to do  you stole all my friends away  i didn’t need ‘em anyway  i’m really not myself today  the blue and black fade into grey

Couldn’t Anything (3:37) i couldn’t think of anything to do so i gathered my pens and wrote a letter to you  it said baby don’t free your thoughts of me just yet  i ran down the block and crashed into your sister  i asked for your number  she said it wasn’t listed  she said maybe you should spend some time thinking ‘bout what you’ve done  well i don’t want to think about the things i don’t remember  and i don’t want to consider where i could have been if i hadn’t ever  i couldn’t think of a way to respond  so i went to your house by the church near the pond  and tapped on your door and sang my song so resolutely baby  i could see in the window you were watching the game  and suddenly i started to feel pretty lame  mama always told me to turn back when your reaction is insane  but i won’t go on and on about the things i don’t remember  it’s never crucial anyway to these predicaments i render  i couldn’t think of a damn thing to write  so i went to the kitchen and poured a whiskey and sprite  poured gasoline on the candles you gave me and watched them burn  i called up your house and got the machine  i looked at your letter at the spaces between  what it said and what the hell did it mean  now i don’t know what i did to upset you  i can’t even recall when i ever met you  and everyone has told me think hard about my conduct being true  so i wracked my thoughts for an hour or two  and i realized what i said to you  that night i blew from town i said “i’m probably not coming back for you”  but i won’t go on and on about the things i don’t remember  i know i’m only limited to what i want to see 

Good About You

I’m cautiously slinging our new songs and hoping you keep an open mind and use a decent sound system. I will probably skip the whole promotion, one sheet, press release with each because it’s too much when you’re already cautious.

Meantime I am refinishing another song, I was already plotting a short film for it. And thinking, sometimes you’re adding music to video, and other times you are adding video to music. Or maybe you’re doing both.

“Good About You” isn’t a reflection of anyone and should be interpreted cautiously; is the perception only in your mind? I am sure there’s something good about many people.

I used to write music that I thought would mean something and now I know that you can find meaning in anything. It doesn’t mean anything, though.

Let down your hair and overthink stuff with me. #music #video #wendyclarkband #denverbands #nowplaying

Download here and thank you for your support!
https://tequilamockingbird.bandcamp.com/track/good-about-you

Latest Videos 2023

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Getting Away With It (Electronic Cover song) by the Wendy Clark Band

Getting Away With It (Electronic Cover) live by the Wendy Clark Band at the Englewood Tavern. Video by The Englewood Tavern. The Wendy Clark Band is: Andy Sweetser on drums. And killer fills. Chris Coward on bass and vocals (both scripted and not). Wendy Clark on the guitar and vocals. Please visit http://wendyclarkmusic.com Filmed by the Englewood Tavern. Edited by Wendy Clark.

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5450 studios in Broomfield, Colorado. Gluten free, no MSG, and no animals were anywhere near us during this production. Video starring Wendy Clark and Michael Mayhem with Mazey, Andy, and Chris. All rights and lefts reserved. Copyright 2022. Lyrics and download: https://tequilamockingbird.bandcamp.com/ Thanks for listening! http://WendyClarkMusic.com

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New Blues
By Wendy Clark

Performed by Wendy Clark (vocals and guitar) and Chris Coward (bass) of the Wendy Clark Band and ¡DOS LOCOS!. Engineered and produced by Jim Roberts. All rights reserved. https://tequilamockingbird.bandcamp.com/track/new-blues

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60 Songs by Wendy Clark. Recorded by Jim Roberts at 5450 Studios in Broomfield. Released 6/29/2021.
Recorded live:
Wendy Clark on vocals and guitar.
Chris Coward on bass guitar.

60 Songs (Wendy Clark Band original) live at the Denver Beer Co

Download: https://tequilamockingbird.bandcamp.com/track/60-songs-acoustic-live-studio-2021