The scuba shop was about to close and I couldn’t parallel park my
step-dad’s Rolls, so I had to switch up to strategic thinking in
overdrive. My cell was twitching in my pocket; I tossed it out the window: no regret. That next minute I was in a parking spot and later I found that I locked the keys inside in addition to leaving them in the ignition and thus leaving the engine on, and even better,
I guess I overlooked the parking break. This combination of mistakes
made me slightly certain that this was not going forward.
Breaking down the barriers of what is absolutely absurd
in the last possible shocking sketches of the impacts of the sentence(s)
spoken, written, or delivered,
education is obviously an enormous influence
so as i sit here, not at my PC but at my life
which must release this laptop from it’s own demons
i remain in a continuous state
aside from some laps of hysteria (euphoric happy behavior [EHB) and unrequited love and delusional regret
i have been squinting at the results of a genetic portrayal that of which has been bothering me enormously as of late.
i do not like to be angry with myself.
i pulse in my own presence; i am outraged and rigid from the muscles of my ass through the infrastructure of my brain synapses and the risidual effects of their miscalculated commands from some solitary elitest-like osingle-celled assholes who could not find the right neuron to bling on, and therefore, i shall seek solace in the arms of my perception: “Sure, dude. I’m cool.”
– oh, let’s see here… – the most useless meanderings in my misfiring molecular structure:
the little gene 5 card which simply was mutated (velocity and temperature and depth times your mom and divided by the percent of speed of your dad – just as an example) can really fuck a person up.
Go ahead. Look it up. I dare you.
and love for the respect of your own education, perception and experience, etiquette and manners will comfort you while you sketch your sentences, stories and paragraphs; but yes, also may give your present company an idea of who you portray and may determine barriers which see worth breaking, bending, or leaving the hell alone as a roll of the eyes permits.
be specific and be careful
who do you think you are, anyway
answers are only consumed by those
who are bewildered
and want to find
within every answer
What do YOU THINK it takes to say goodbye?”
Well, all you gotta do is
Open up your eyes
for that shit again
Notice a mahogany scent, pleasant and pleasing, and I remind myself to
assert my energy forth behind the shades of the autumn semi-sunlight.
The evening falls and twilight breaks even, dealing me that ambiguous
forgetfulness of my inadvertent existence; how often the blur of
fantasy and judgment of my own character ultimately punctures all
I am and I shall be a page torn out of a wordless textbook, unstudied
by the least unfortunate, avoided by the flying electric eels in your
moat, beyond the sweet smelling vineyards you dwell so far away.
I haunt you.
Yes, you finally say to me, you are haunting.
)But this is not one of those times.)
If we are to maintain hope in the wake of our individual personal and
philosophic crises, perhaps we must consider the fortresses of
conscious choice that we build to protect ourselves from hopelessness
may need to be surrendered. Every belief holds a mystery and devotion,
but deliverance from faith is simplicity and creative surrender.
Hope and desire are self-preserving energies which protect us; we long
for something to heal us in the darkness of our self-deprecation and
the burdens of hopelessness. We defend our small territory of sanity
and we trust that our steadfast faith will conquer all. But the
spiritual straight-jacket of this quest for absolute hope dangerously
distances us from the dimension of personal creativity. We cannot
shove hope down other’s throats, we can, however, realize unique
freedom of love and creativity, and we can find a balance and act with
our heart as much as we can move with our mind.
But I didn’t get much work done for as long and hard as my brain
TRIED so hard to take control of matters and break
through to the other side
But I didn’t really feel like working today
But I did anyway.
Now I can’t think if anything
But how happy I am that my brother and I are together
And my stupid gay band is happy and recording and we are happy and gay
and in love again
(or at least I am)
And I can express the fact that I am
ACTUALLY NOT CONCERNED
about my family getting along
in fact, this is the most psychologically inspiring thrill
that I have had a chance to experience and theorize
in months if not years
(it was an inch if was a mile, er sumethin’)
i sure hope I don’t have to say
“boy, that was just a terrible idea”
while they are here
and I am conscious of this
and I am laughing all the way
to the front row.
I hope you’ll join me – and vice-versa.
are on their way but they will show up later
or not at all
I was finally a poet. Last October was another time, I flipped through
the pages of your diary and smiled, despite myself.
The question is important to you, but I was a rookie poet, so I was
still torn between rhyming and free verse, and so I was metaphysically
flabbergasted, I asked for the check, I tipped my invisible hat at
you, and I hoped you were wondering to yourself in a shocked manner,
what in the name of god is that “person” thinking? But in a good way
and said with love, respect, and trust.
Love is respect is trust.
I unbuckled my seatbelt on the way home, but not obviously, because
this would just produce nothing, but secretively so that you would not
know something that I knew, thus I would be very sneaky and risky and
not afraid of death, hence I was very above you and yours, and I
lifted my head up when we pulled back into the driveway of Sonoran
Mental Ranchito; I waved at myself in the rearview mirror.
worst thing in the world
didn’t happen to me today.
i keep forgetting to be thankful for the things
that didn’t happen to me;
and keep remembering what i should forget
not to be thankful for
that did happen to me.
the best thing in the world
also didn’t happen to me today.
meantime, i struggle existentially.
or I had something to do with
my need for approval
my seeking approval from others who don’t have it to give….
“We may look for approval from people who have none to give.”
and i don’t know why this little excerpt is making me
which i had known not to do this for so long
what if i can’t or don’t have the approval to give myself within myself?