have you ever heard the expression, “get bent”?
it is a funny expression.
i am going to use it whenever i can, though i am not sure what it means.
i better look it up first.
My view from my new office is daydreamy.
Briefly leave a detailed message at the sound of the tone so that I may email you my thoughts in bullets style phrases according to importance and purpose. Or you may try me on my other cell phone which is this same number but you will not get me live on the other end because I don’t have time to talk to you without going into great detail and I would like to spare myself the embarrassment of confessing my vulnerabilities unless I really thought you gave a fuck. And perhaps you are listening, and maybe it is worth it to reach out to you because I may obtain due enlightenment and I may just open my mind and the door of my heart will creak ajar, but I don’t have the time to risk my psychological puzzles on the chance that they are just riddles – not to be solved.
If we love by letting go… how do we learn to hate?
I read Dr. Scott Peck with a grain of sea salt and a mind open to the wisdom of those who love so much that they will actually write and teach and care enough to be someone who truly tries to touch random people across miles and generations, and I understand his philosophies and I grow and watch myself extend my boundaries and make choices based on love and I am the poster-child for redemption, but I struggle with loving by letting go… generally, I guess, but specifically… I can’t seem to ever let go of what I love…
I notice a mahogany scent, pleasant and pleasing, and I remind myself to assert my energy forth behind the shades of the autumn semi-sunlight. The evening falls and twilight breaks even, dealing me that ambiguous forgetfulness of my inadvertent existence; how often the blur of fantasy and judgment of my own character ultimately punctures all possibilities.
If we are to maintain hope in the wake of our individual personal and philosophic crises, perhaps we must consider the fortresses of conscious choice that we build to protect ourselves from hopelessness may need to be surrendered. Every belief holds a mystery and devotion, but deliverance from faith is simplicity and creative surrender.
Hope and desire are self-preserving energies which protect us; we long for something to heal us in the darkness of our self-deprecation and the burdens of hopelessness. We defend our small territory of sanity and we trust that our steadfast faith will conquer all. But the spiritual straight-jacket of this quest for absolute hope dangerously distances us from the dimension of personal creativity. We cannot shove hope down other’s throats, we can, however, realize unique freedom of love and creativity, and we can find a balance and act with our heart as much as we can move with our mind.